I always explain that whether a FUH takes place is primarily determined by whether you have entered one of the six spheres of influence. I was also very clear that I can’t be around him anymore and directly said goodbye. Usually supportive of my ideas if not mad. If the Mid-Ranger has high fuel supplies (he has a new primary source) he is likely to be malign because he will not be able to resist bragging about his new girlfriend/fiancée/wife etc. After having asked twice if “we were ok”, which resulted in more hot/cold, I sent him a text and said I sensed he was confused about us and thought we needed to take some space. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Yet still openly flirting with the downgrade. If he is able to note that you are still numbed form the encounter with him and therefore less likely to provide potent fuel, he will still hoover (because you are there) but he will not expend a lot of energy in doing so. The narcissist may hoover in several different ways and for various reasons, with each hoovering event staged according to that pathological relationship agenda that all narcissists live by. The way a narcissist deals with a breakup is anything but normal, and the quicker you understand that, the better it will be for you. Nothing more heartbreaking than reading about the outcome for those whose children have grown and do not see through x. I have been advised I need to expect and “prepare” for a hoover from the ex mid-ranger. The dictionary meaning of hoover is: suck something up with or as if with a vacuum cleaner.In this case it means sucking the dirt and grime into the vacuum cleaner but if we are talking of a covert narcissist hoovering then it means a person’s capacity to suck you off all kinds of emotions, self esteem and self confidence leaving you drained and empty and in doubt of yourself. Hi Lori…yes, a new cell number should always be suspect. Last night he texts saying please can you start the divorce as no point being attached to each other like this. Instead of asking why narcissists hoover and whether they will do it again, we can flip the question and ask what they are doing in the gaps when we are not together, before the hoovers. This was very well written, in fact I found myself replacing the word “narcissist” with vampire, and “fuel” with blood. I also had bronchitis at the time and he knew I was very sick. My question is will he Hoover me? It does but there is less need to hoover a secondary as they are discarded far less often. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. However, prior to that and for 2 years, I still had one of those pathways open and he never hoovered me through any channel of communication. Your narcissistic ex who cruelly dumped you now wants to see you again. The grandmother and that’s all you can come up with. I was his primary source in a formal relationship for almost a year. No matter what he tells you, this is the only reason. When it comes to children, would a narcissist ever hurt his children physically.. to hurt the mother? By appearing in front of him he cannot forego this opportunity to take centre stage in his own pity play and hoover you. Recognizing, for the first time, that your long-time lover has a narcissistic personality can be a devastating discovery. How would you expect a mid to react to his most important source totally ignoring his Hoover attempts and then to start dating an acquaintance of his? I wonder if this is an ego issue because at day 6 he can still shove you away. He is feeling powerful but also generous with it. A further hoover depends on when there is a Hoover Trigger and whether the Hoover Execution Criteria are met, the level and timing of any wounding is but ONE of the criteria which are applicable. I am assuming the secondary’s aren’t given such consideration. Yesterday, his grandmother passed on. He’s told me as much… Do either/both of these qualify as hoovers? My heart goes out to you! The fuel levels will affect the type of hoover. Like any good narcissist, he knew exactly how to do it and I’m sure you’ll find that it sounds familiar. You will always be hoovered by a Lesser in the first sphere. Makes you feel like this person can live without you. If fuel levels are low the Greater will actually be wary. All true for the Greater that is low fuel. And I’m sure that his nonchalant disinterest in taking me out during the good times had much to do with his planning for future hoovers where just a single text (out-of-the-blue) requesting a “date” was all that was needed to grab my attention. For a touch of bait: I’m an Empath ENTJ/ENFJ cusp and a likely Double ACON, granted one was absentee. I say the setting you meet the narcissist can add to the dissonance and make it harder to resolve. How then does our kind approach the prospective hoover? https://narcsite.com/private-audio-consultation/. He stated yes that’s why my mother is coming. The IGH only happens where there is an escape, not where there is a discard. Individual books on the three schools will be available in time. Happy you are doing well.”xoxo I believe she is a greater, 5 months pushing I divorce my wife then on and on saying she is guilty taking a married man away then so horny but so guilty and withholding, giving silent treatments(likely off to her main supply although for a few months I felt like the main around the past holidays. By way of example, if the Mid Ranger has high fuel levels and you escaped, he will be boastful but at the back of his mind he knows you escaped him and he is alive to that fact now. The Initial Grand Hoover is the most concentrated post escape hoover and its efficacy depends on the type of narcissist you are dealing with and the defences you have created as part of instigating no contact. He is lying about her flying into town for the funeral. Does the UMRN hoover? Said she wants to spend her life with me. The nature of cessation and also its manner will have an aggravating or diminishing factor on the effect caused by the nature of the fuel supplies. As a person in four years recovery now from a narc, THANK YOU! Looks like you will be staying thirsty. The ease of contact is also not something that the Lesser is bothered about. Learn how your comment data is processed. Until, he said no matter what time or day if a person came to her house she would open the door without questions. If you were discarded, he is not going to ignore the opportunity and if you escaped he will certainly not ignore this opportunity. Does this refer to a messy or dramatic breakup etc? Off/on 1.5yrs No sex involved. He has been told to leave me alone in no uncertain terms. I escaped my mid range narc. We’re all different and we respond differently to different situations. I’m confused and curious. The courts are gradually becoming more aware. What is next?I don’t know. The day after telling him this, and after not really responding to questions as to my whereabouts one evening, he dropped the break up email on me. Say “no more” and mean it! Waiting for a long time. Strange thing is when he is angry he can go on for 6 days of not talking and very rarely initates repair. But if he discards me because I wanted this behavior to stop (or I have disappointed him) then why an immediate hoover?! It is not possible to answer your question due to one thing; No narcissist is identical to another narcissist. If you were discarded and fuel levels are high, the ebullience of the Greater will override any potential adverse reaction you might exhibit. Many people don’t receive hoovers until five, ten, or more years have passed. With the second type of hoover, any attempts on your part to return the text, call, or email will likely go unanswered because the intention here is not to actually communicate with you but rather to warm you up to the situation…to get you feeling anxious, confused, and maybe even quietly excited about his possible return. Narcissists frequently use their victim’s faith against them, twisting their beliefs to keep them in the relationship longer. He is not concerning himself with whether he is going to secure the resumption of the Formal Relationship with you. That he is extremely angry. I do not classify using covert or overt. I wish you all the best. On the contrary he will think that you will be so delighted to see him that you will fall into his arms in an instant under another dose of concentrated magnetism and charisma. It was much easier to decipher his true message after reading HG’s posts. Imagine my horror to be hoovered throughout his fb official romance. His response nobody knows when it’s hits and the deflected to an uncle. He once told me he has difficulty talking about feelings. Why does he still seek her attention and acceptance? A recent research study conducted byMogilski and Welling (2017) showed that those who had darker personality traits such as narcissism, psychopathy … Oh man…same thing almost. A narcissist will always return to an ex-lover to ensure that his narcissistic supply still pines for him and that she never moves on from the pain he has caused her. If the Mid Ranger has high fuel levels and he discarded you he will extoll the virtues of his new supply without any restraint, singing her praises in order to try to upset you. But this behavior seems off. Anywhere from 2-weeks to 3-months after a deafening silence, the hoovering would begin. It is in the pipeline KT in a detailed book. With my ex, I’m sure that the odd locations from where he’d call me when he had no phone (while we were together) became a way to set the the stage for future hoovering when he didn’t want me to know his new number. About a week after that I think I had the FUH whereby he triangulated me with a female friend of his who I suspect he is sleeping with, or at least emotionally involved with. This tactic caused me a great deal of anxiety and sleepless nights and I even created a name it – The Cell Phone Game. My life is good. If his fuel levels are lower (no primary source yet found or it is not performing) he will present in a more pitiful manner and therefore will be benign. I expected a discussion and I didn’t get it, and I have abandonment issues, which he knows. Thanks!! Helps at home This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. Hi, H.G I’m very ‘nice’, I can’t imagine he’s got a working strategy he has used all of the regular techniques, I play dumb. This is because the Lesser will not have the energy to charm but rather needs a quick fix when those fuel levels are low. I mean, the N SAYS that they miss you, that they're sorry, and all that, maybe even that they still love you. Whilst in the cycle of abuse, you lose bits of yourself and your life is hijacked. I’m guessing he wanted to get a reaction. Only way to cheat is to say he is going to work when in fact he is not. RELIGIOUS HOOVER: “I know it’s God will for us to be together.” “You’ve gotten away from the Lord, and that’s why you’re not responding to me anymore.” “The Bible says divorce is wrong.” Narcissist Hoovering Tactics Play on Your Emotions. He can keep the house! I believe he has gone away, he hinted he would break up with the replacement, but only if I was willing to fight for him that is. Named after the Hoover vacuum cleaner, hoovering is basically a way of “sucking” a person back into an abusive relationship. The manner of your escape or discard does not matter to the Lesser, he will not be considering this as he is like a ravenous beast who has just seen a fresh piece of meat placed in reach. And I can say that a majority of them never end up well in life. What saves us is that we don’t argue often. If fuel levels are low and you were discarded, the Greater will sense that fuel remains available and he will approach.
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